The good news is, I'm maintaining a positive attitude? I wanted so badly to be better that I was convinced that I was...
The bad news is, the 24 hour feed from my heart to my doctor says otherwise.
The doc called this afternoon to ask how I was feeling. He's not seeing an improvement and has proposed a more aggressive approach...doubling the Diltiazem, then adding a blood thinner. The blood thinner is prep work for a procedure called Cardioversion. I won't lie, I hate this news.
I've felt awful for ages, I know how to deal with the physical fatigue. I'm not so confident about my attitude and I'm very wary about emotional fatigue.
I watched the movie 17 Miracles with a friend this afternoon and left desiring to get over myself and my problems, pull it all together, and get a little faith. The call from the doctor only came an hour later...and I confess, I lost my resolve.
The past few months I had become so skilled at ignoring and/or explaining away all of the symptoms...now the palpitations seem quicker, the pain feels more intense, my breath seems more difficult to catch, I'm more nauseous and more sleepy. I don't really think things have escalated, they're just more difficult to escape.