Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Next...?

Well, it was fun to explore, but I'm clearly no closer to an answer than I was before.

A good friend keeps telling me that I'm the most capable woman that he knows...he clearly hasn't spent enough time around Sheri, the most capable woman I know. And guess what Sheri was able to do with her capabilities? Exactly! She was a top-tier wife and mother. And what do I want to do with my capabilities? You got it! Follow in Sheri's footsteps. But I'm not willing to wife a man who isn't looking to partner with his spouse. And after much consideration, it turns out that I'm not ready to mother children all on my own. I know that whatever I do next, it has to be a pursuit of passion.

It's been one year since I attended a session with the Johnson O'Conner Research Foundation, hopeful that the results would provide some clarity and direction to finding my passion. My greatest fear was that there would not be a clear direction and that I would score equally in each category...self prophecy? Perhaps. There are only two careers where I believe a high aptitude in every category can be satisfied...1.) a researcher with the foundation, and 2.) a wife and mom.
  1. I've often thought back to my decision to turn down the position that was offered...I know that it was greatly influenced by my resistance to moving back to Denver - again. But for the right opportunity, could I have found a way to make it work?
  2. The expectation that the "land of plenty (of marriage opportunities)" would be found west of the Rockies was a silly little myth that so many of my faith fall for.
I have always maintained that there aren't a lot of things that I would be unwilling to do for my family. But it's just me...just me to care for, just me to invest in, just me to entertain, just me to sleep with at night...and I need to love what I'm doing during the days to sleep well with myself at night!

I have spent a good portion of today reviewing open job opportunities. And I know that with a little bit of effort, I'll have a job in no time. But I'm terrified. I have this ca-razy fear that I'll take a job and spend three months figuring it out and then find myself bored. Then the only logical option will seem to be finding a way of climbing the company ladder, if only to keep myself interested. And then I'll find myself taking on more responsibility than I ever really wanted. And then, with no wisdom at all, I'll soon be dumping everything I have into an opportunity I never wanted for an employer who doesn't really care and I'll lose all of the life that I've found inside of myself these last few weeks!!!!

There has to be a passion tucked away inside of me right? A passion other than the one I have for the people I love. Because, although loving the people in my life is by far the reason I get out of bed every morning, those people aren't paying the rent or providing health insurance.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The Next Scout?

My wing girl K.P. and I had alter egos that we used every time we were out at a club or concert or party and didn't want to actually meet men. She was "Sunny" and I was "Tia" and we were just in town for a few days on business. What did we do? Oh, well, we worked for Universal studios..."Sunny" was a talent scout, and "Tia" was a location scout. "Tia" doesn't even know if that's a legit job description....she just made it up.

I loved the thought of traveling the world. Of having access to the world's most beautiful and interesting places. I imagined that the job would come with a lot of special privilege and opportunity. I expected that there would be a decent amount of research, and I love any kind of learning. And I came to know for certain that other people thought it was a really cool job. Men ate it up! (Ironic, since we only pulled that storyline out when we didn't want to impress the men!)

I'm still convinced that the most amazing place on earth, undiscovered by Hollywood, is Havasupai Falls. I agree that it would be a logistic nightmare to get cast and crew on site, and I know that it loses some of its splendor in pictures, but man! it would be awe-some! If I'm lucky, I'll be heading back again this summer.


I know many of you have been waiting with baited breath to hear how the IKEA project went. I'm happy to report that it's a beautiful piece of furniture, assembled with love and pride. I was more skilled than I thought. Although, truth be told, I still think that furniture assembly moments make for fantastic boyfriend moments!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The Next Architect?

I bought my first piece of IKEA furniture today. And I looked forward to putting it together this evening. And I even imagined a career as a professional assembler...legos for grown-ups, no?

I'm afraid I wouldn't do well in the skills testing section of an interview:
* First 20 minutes, I finally had the pieces unpackaged
* Second 20 minutes, I had completed step 1 of the 34 pictograph directions
* Third 20 minutes, I washed my face and teeth and went to bed

Monday, March 28, 2011

The Next Beauty Queen?

Two of my good friends have followed up their formal University pursuits by attending Beauty School. And who wouldn't want to work in an environment with the scent of essential oils and the chiming of middle eastern tones? And people getting pampered....of course they're happy!

And the number one aspect of this potential career choice? Yes, that would be laser hair removal!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

The Next Yenta?

It's been suggested by more than a few people (including my father) that I use my social network for good. A former boss even tried to convince me that we could own and operate the Salt Lake City franchise of It's Just Lunch.

It looks like another local girl has beat me to it here.

I'm okay with it...I'd probably just develop mad crushes on the clients and while that would make for some good blogging, it might make for lousy business development!

Saturday, March 26, 2011

The Next Designer?

Set design? Maybe there is a Summer Stock opening somewhere out there? But will I be too creepy old for something like that?

This seems like a specialized group of train engineers or something. I definitely would need to network my way into something like this. A friend from college married a movie-set designer. This could definitely be a good use of at least 3 of my dormant aptitudes!

Friday, March 25, 2011

The Next Guide?

Remember when I left BYU and I thought about getting a job as a River Guide for the summer before I turned into a grown up? But then got my most grown-up job of all time and decided to skip the summer of braids and bandannas? Think it's too late?

Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Next Apprentice?

What do you think? Should this be my next adventure??????

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


* It's been 5 weeks since my life flipped upside down.
* I'm busier and happier than I've been in...longer than I can remember.
* I am at complete peace with the decisions I have made.
Anxiety is creeping in :(

Don't get me wrong...I love my days and my nights and all of the cool things I suddenly have time to do. But I lack patience with myself and my inability to identify a long-term plan. I never identified a deadline for knowing my next steps, but apparently my internal voice is beginning to kick in and that voice is anxious for a plan.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

New Love

I am sooooooo loving Adele these days. She's living out my chubby girl dreams!

For your enjoyment!

Monday, March 21, 2011


I had the most fantastically bad "date" last night. Really. So, so bad. It is these moments that make me grateful for single life, because I could be bound to a man like this guy for-ev-er!

Had I any pressing responsibilities today, I would have bailed shortly after arriving, but I'm flexible and curious enough to have stayed to find out what could possibly be coming next! I will admit, in retrospect, that I probably encouraged him a little bit...but it was impossible not to poke the bear a little.

S.M. was a fix-up about 4 years ago. He's smart, good looking, witty, masculine, and LDS (sort of). I liked him then, but it was clear we had different application methods to living our religion. After a handful of dates, and an oddly timed removal of his shirt, it phased out. A couple of years later, I learned that S.M. and I had a mutual friend in C.K. She informed me that he was engaged to be married and I took that opportunity to remove his contact info from my phone.

Fast forward to January of 2011 when I humbly signed up for eHarmony in a foolish moment of relationship hopefulness. One of my very first matches was S.M. I quickly closed the match after confirming that he was, indeed still single. I guess I had a "been there, done that" attitude.

A month later, I received an unknown call...turns out that eHarmony match had put me back on his radar. My breezy approach and his charming ways made for an easy conversation and we've been keeping in touch by phone and text since.

After a particularly "flexty" week, he asked me to his place for last evening. I think we all should get a second chance, plus he called me sweetie and I caved. The flirty part of me is anxious to replace my last crush with a fresh one. The affectionate part of me aches for some attention. The curious part of me loves a fresh I downloaded a fresh podcast and set out for his place last night.

Dude! Wow!

I don't want to weigh this post down by typing the phrase "and then he checked his phone and sent a text" every other sentence, so I'll just inform you now, that after and during each bizarre scene of the night, he checked his phone and sent a text.

He was kind enough to shower just before my arrival, but too lazy to put on more than a t-shirt and pajama pants (flashbacks to the one-legged man in sweatpants date anyone?). His hair was still wet and the only redeeming aspect was that it was still that long, thick, sexy Gaston hair that I loved before.

He seemed nervous, so I did what I do best and chatted him up to put him at ease. Man, am I good at it...only a few minutes until he emotionally vomited the past 4 years of poor relationship choices all over the living room. I felt badly for him, but couldn't really understand what he wanted from me. We certainly aren't close, so it's hard for me to offer any perspective or advice, but it seemed to be what he was asking for. When I told him that I was at a loss, he dialed up PPV to order us a movie...odd segue, no?

Instead of the dinner that he'd offered to cook, he brought in a spread of chips and dip, popcorn, and licorice. I was glad to not be hungry because watching him devour his junk food, like a recently dumped teenager, was so off-putting.

The movie was soooo bad that I couldn't help from laughing at the most critical moments. And confession, I don't know if that laughter was inspired by the bad movie, or the fact that S.M. kept asking me to rub out knots in his back or calf caused by a weekend of snowboarding. I indulged, but with a clinical approach and made sure to avoid any suggestive touch.

He offered me a back rub....but how could I accept? So I cozied deeper into my corner of the couch and kept stealing glances at this fascinating man. He seems to have so much going for him, yet he's such a social disaster. I knew that he wanted a hook-up to be in the works, but his tactics were sooooo bizarre! I won't lie, I went to his house with an open mind....I've never denied liking a good hook-up, but I will never be that desperate (God forbid!).

As he saw his window of opportunity close, he gave me his finale move by taking off his shirt???? Really???? Is that acceptable game these days? Is that how he tends to get what he wants? If so, who are the women that are falling for this garbage? I can only compare it to a peacock displaying his tail...but I'm just not animalistic for that to work on me.

So the night ended much like 4 years ago, with S.M. half nekked and me laughing and leaving.

I've been lucky to escape this and other scenarios unharmed, but I need to seriously reconsider my willingness to be open minded and forgiving and adventurous in the future....because the next time could lead to the perfect Lifetime movie script!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

What I Learned in Church Today: Attitude

For many years I have been aware of endurance worship. These are the days when my obedience is motivated by duty rather than love or desire. I maintain that there is still value in persevering through the endurance worship, but I try to keep the occurrences to a minimum. There are a number of contributing factors: fatigue, hunger, disappointment, distraction, laziness, guilt...and more. I contribute today's bad attitude to fatigue.

I'm exhausted, but I did my duty and pushed through. My rotten attitude first appeared as I rolled my eyes through choir practice...then again through the women's auxiliary meeting. By the time I got to Sunday School, I was in fine, sarcastic form. And the teacher began discussing the concept of parables, and I decided I was bored, and then she outlined a few things we can do to assist in our understanding of parables:
1.) preparation
2.) attitude
3.) application
...and I became painfully aware of how much my attitude was impacting my ability to "get anything out of church" today.

So, while I didn't receive any nuggets of religious inspiration today, I do think it's a spiritual inspiration to be reminded of how much control and agency we have in determining what we get from our opportunities.

Saturday, March 19, 2011


At the beginning of my musical theater class, we were prepped for our big showcase and encouraged to invite everyone we knew. Things changed, groups were added, the venue size dwindled and I was relieved. There just wasn't going to be room enough for my "entourage"!

Today was the big day and I am firstly grateful to have not invited any of my adoring fans! It took nearly 3 hours, overlapped the BYU basketball tip-off, and much like a niece's dance recital...was really only fun for the performers and the stage moms.

Having stayed up until 3:30 and then woken at 8:00 a.m., I had created an unnecessary obstacle. During rehearsals, it was clear that I must have packed my enthusiasm and confidence in a box with old running shoes and left it in the garage of the new place...because I was not pulling it together. Breathless, forgetful and flat are three very accurate descriptors of my laughable performance. But a short break and a 32 oz diet coke later helped me to recover a bit.

It was so fun! And the class has really helped me to get over some of my insecurities and nerves. The best lesson has been understanding the types of roles I best match as well as learning that an emotional delivery and spot-on comedic timing can combat almost anything my vocal prowess lacks.

Dame Bonnie's parents had attended and her mom payed me a fantastic compliment when it was all over. It fed my hunger for performance (and probably my ego) enough that I've signed up for the next round of classes. And will be time to put it to the test at an audition!

Friday, March 18, 2011

I'm Foolish...Except When It Comes To Choosing Friends

Today was the big move day. I've been at this last place for over 3 years. Other than the home of my youth, this has been my longest enduring address. I've been sorting through things, taking trips to DI, and filling our trash cans for weeks. But somehow, I still have at least twice as much stuff as I should, or wan,t to have.

I asked a friend to lend his muscle and truck to the effort, but who can blame him when he accepted a weekend roadtrip offer instead. So, I did want any logical/single/independent woman would do, and I rented a U-Haul.

And then I tried to take the "U" in U-Haul literally and figure out a way to do this all on my own...sort of...I knew I'd need one other person for the big stuff (bed, dresser, desk) and enlisted Brett to do his baby brother duty. The rest, I expected to handle all alone. I worked my tail off organizing all of those belongings that I'm still hanging on to but need to depart from...and the piles of boxes and tubs was overwhelming.

So with short notice and complete disrespect to their Friday nights, I accepted the offered help of C.K, C.C., and Salty. And they saved me. There were plenty of offers on other days or by some who had conflicts and had I not been so proud, I very well could have enlisted an army to assist. But these were the really good friends who help a girl even when she doesn't deserve it. And I'm all moved...and all exhausted...and all grateful for the friends I don't deserve

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Sentimental Stuff

I remember being on a movie date with my college boyfriend. After we entered, he handed me my ticket stub, which I immediately tossed in the trash. The panged look on his face was so sad! He couldn't believe that I didn't have a shoebox somewhere in my bedroom collecting tokens of the time we had spent together. It had never occurred to me to do such a thing.

Maybe I didn't start dating young enough to develop attachments to those things? Maybe I relied on my memories? Maybe I still don't get it? I don't scrapbook or shadowbox or even bother to display photographs in my home or office. I just have never felt the need to keep things as a reminder of...well...anything.

So, it's really unusual that I had a shoebox of ticket stubs and event programs and DVDs to discard tonight as I finished my packing. And I think I almost had an emotion over it?!

Fortunately, the emotion didn't last long and I'm over it. But I don't know that I'm over the fact that somewhere, somehow, I became that girl. I'm not sure I understand why I even thought to try her out. I'm really unsure of what I was hoping to gain from it. But maybe, it was a sign of hope? Maybe I thought there was going to be a story worth telling? And like a good performer would, maybe I wanted to be sure I had all the right props for telling that story?

But that story has ended. And now I look forward to creating one with a different ending. I'm just not decided on how I feel about the props.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

By Request: Dead Deer Ahead

The dust from the upheaval of my life is beginning to settle. Consequently, good blog material is getting more difficult to come by. Turns out even I am a little bored with the random thoughts in my head. So I love the idea of blogging by request.

Casi, Amy? I know you're lurking out there. Send me any edits if I stray too far from the truth!

(Boneheaded blogging moment...I Googled for images of Dead Deer. The photo above is the only one that doesn't turn my stomach)

Conference weekend October 2000 (maybe? not exactly sure on the year? Amy, when did you get married, we were all still single at the time). Cousins Casi, Amy and I set off for the Friday evening college football match-up between BYU and USU. My brother was on the team at the time, and that always made the games that much better. We won (I think, we usually do) and then left Logan for conference weekend at Uncle Rogers cabin and 2 days of indulging on Aunt Janet's cooking!

It was late and dark and I'd never driven that particular canyon before. Casi was riding shotgun and Amy had fallen asleep in the back seat. I was piloting with loud music and no seatbelt (I never wore one). As I approached a curve, I inexplicable put my seatbelt on and took mental note of the mile marker. As we rounded the bend, I was faced with a very large deer lying in my lane. My mind immediate barked the command to brake and swerve, so logically I floored it and kept the steering wheel in place!

We popped that Civic hard over the top of the massive speed bump and I pulled off to the side of the road. Jolted from her sleep, Amy popped up in the back asking if she had, "just heard the sound of bones crunching?" I dreaded getting out of the car to evaluate the damage and that hesitation probably saved me as a little red car came cruising around following my tracks...but without the same luck. They took the hit much harder and came to a smoky stop some distance ahead of us. I did a quick survey and determined that no noticeable damage had been done.

So, as Good Samaritans would, we rolled down to the red car to see what kind of help we could offer the passengers of the smoking vehicle. As they stumbled out, beer can in hand, I asked if they were okay, to which the driver replied, "What do you think?" I then let them know that we had a cell phone and could call for help, which was apparently the last thing they wanted me to do as they quickly got back in the car and took off at a crazy speed. (I suspect the beer cans had something to do with the avoidy behavior?).

Well now there were two things to report to the authorities...the carcass road block and the kamikaze idiots fleeing the scene. I dialed up 911 and felt so awesome about knowing details down to the mile marker and license plate number. The operator answered and I explained that there was a major dead hazard in the middle of the road and a major drunk/damaged hazard flying down the road, to which he responded, "What do you want me to do about it?"

I felt so deflated. Turns out that being helpful isn't so appreciated in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere.

So we regrouped and kept on going. I couldn't believe that my car was working just fine! We pulled up to the cabin at some absurd hour, reported a brief version of the story to the parentals, and finally went to sleep.

As soon as I awoke, I ran out to check out the scene. I was greeted by Peaches (Casi, that was the dog's name, right?) grubbing on the blood and guts splattered up in the wheel wells.

While I never had to do any repairs, it did take a very long time to eliminate the remnants of that night (weirdest phenomena, bees and wasps were very attracted to it?!)

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Moving is Lame

I have too much stuff. Stuff I would gladly give away...if I only knew what my future held.

I was doing some weird spinster version of nesting over the holidays and I now own a stack of awesome appliances still in their boxes. It's as if my subconscious thought it might be a good idea to become domesticated. I have a dozen hope chests worth of hopeful belongings, but as a completely unattached and uncommitted individual, I'm not exactly sure what I am still hoping for?

And it makes moving take tooooooooo long!

Monday, March 14, 2011

Carl Bloch

BYU is currently hosting an amazing exhibit! I was able to attend today with a couple of friends. The alter piece above, titled Gethsemene is easily my favorite.
The thought that consumed most of my emotion centered around my relationship with the Savior. Could I have been that comforting angel? What was my relationship with him before my birth? Did we know one another well? Where was I in this moment? Am I doing my part now to be a support to Christ and His mission?

Sunday, March 13, 2011

What I Learned in Church Today: Work

My childhood Sunday dinner memories always include the going around the table portion. Dad asking what we had learned in church that day...I've decided to use this as my Sunday topic moving forward.

Today we talked about the importance of work. Ironic timing.
I've been very busy and very productive since my unemployment began, but I have zero interest in finding myself back into a full-time/working-for-the-man situation. But I felt a pang of guilt for my avoidance of grown-up life. I have got to get a plan!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Speak or Be Silent?

If a friend is headed down a dreadful path, what is your responsibility to say something?

Do you have friends you trust to speak up if you are pointed in a questionable direction?

How do you handle the feedback?

Friday, March 11, 2011

Or...All Empty?

A different slant on yesterday's perspective...

As we loaded up in our separate cars to drive home from Breckenridge, myself headed west and my family headed east, my mom turned and said, "I can't believe you aren't coming with us to Denver." I know that her intention was to communicate that she wished the reunion could last a little longer, but the words communicated something else.

For a few moments I felt as if I hadn't done enough. I felt as if the time given, miles driven, and money spent was a silly waste. And then I got into my car and began thinking of all of the times that I do the same thing. How often do I minimize or dismiss the good because I'm so focused on what I believe is still missing?

How often are we all doing that?

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Half Empty or Half Full?

I have noticed a habit. I have it and so do a lot of people that I know. It's the habit of defining yourself by what you lack:
  • I'm not very good at...
  • I've never...
  • I fail to...
  • I don't...
  • I can't...
  • If only I...
  • I should have...
"I'm not a good skiier" has been an identifier of mine for years. I always wanted to be, but I couldn't, wasn't capable I didn't. Occasionally I'd attempt the sport, but I was always tentative and wussy.

But something about my new circumstances has me abandoning all of the definitions of limitations. I'm pretty good, especially for someone who thinks she sucks. By the time we finished day 2 I had decided that it was time to invest in my own set of gear and make time on the hill a priority!

Can't wait to find out what else I'm going to be really good at! (Or at least better than I thought)

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Happy 6-0 Dad!

Happy Birthday Dad! Thanks for a great day on the mountain!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

On The Road

It has been a very long time since I have road tripped a decent distance. I had forgotten how much I like driving long distances alone with nothing but my thoughts and my favorite sing-along CDs. And the timing was really good. I have had a lot on my mind, but nothing was organized.

HA! I am not sure that there has been a change in regard to organization...maybe it's more accurately described as the coming together of previously perceived thought fragments. I feel as if I have finally had enough life experience that some of the "random" thoughts/events/feelings/moments/conversations/ect. now have a place to come together and make sense...does that make ANY sense?

How about I promise myself to keep working on that until I can better articulate it?

But, for now, I love long car trips!

Monday, March 7, 2011


Following yesterday's disaster Sunday School class I had at least a dozen compliments regarding my effort to get the class out of the fast lane to crazy town. I don't know if my frank challenge of "help me understand what that has to do with discipleship?", was really the best way to handle it (and certainly not the first time I've reacted that way as a teacher, right dad?). But I think 100 compliments wouldn't have helped me to feel better about the disaster.

Today I received an email from an angel of a girl who didn't just applaud my blunt reaction to cuckoo comments, but she shared the thoughts she had during class. Knowing that at least one person was able to find some gospel understanding from my attempts at a discussion, made me feel sooooo much better. What a relief!

Sunday, March 6, 2011


1 - I left for church this morning feeling really great about my preparation and the message for today's Sunday School lesson. Somehow, it went horribly wrong.
We were discussing discipleship (well, at least, I thought we were) and I used an analogy about marriage and divorce to talk about our dedication levels. But mentioning the word marriage to a congregation of middle-aged lonely hearts, evokes the same reaction as aiming a laser pointer in front of a cat...they go berserk and completely lose their minds...and then feel compelled to share it with the class.
I felt like I was drowning. I felt like all of my "careful preparation" was lousy. I felt like I don't want those 2 girls to ever be in my class again. Then I felt like a lousy disciple for having those thoughts...but I didn't stop having them.

2 - Not too long ago I posed a question to an ecclesiastic leader. I asked if it was possible that finding love outside of the church wasn't somehow better than not ever finding love at all. Apparently it came up today in a discussion with our congregation leadership...and it seems that they were torn over the correct response.
I'm torn over the correct response as well. I absolutely believe everything that I have been taught about covenant marriage. I have no doubt in the blessings that are promised. I long for the joy associated. But it is not happening for me. I have yet to find myself in a mutually interested relationship with an active member of my faith.
I'm not denying that it isn't the preferred method, I'm just wondering if there isn't another option? I so badly want to find someone who will let me love him and will love me in return. I know that there are a lot of amazing men outside my faith and I can't help but wonder if there isn't some happiness there...especially since those men tend to express the most interest in me.

3 - David 3-ways:
#1 is a friendly guy who has never really tried to have a conversation with me before. It wasn't a bad conversation, but it wasn't flowing super natural either. From the beginning, I tried to create an exit opportunity...until I saw #2 lurking in the shadows, staring intently. At that point I tried to create opportunities to prolong the conversation with #1 hoping that #2 would get bored and go away...Ha!
#2 finally lost his patience and came in closer and stood silently as #1 and I tried to continue our discussion. Soon, #1 uncomfortably wrapped things up and left me alone with #2. #2 then launched into an awkward monologue of compliment. He shared kind words, but the delivery was soooooooo uncomfortable. And no matter how often I thanked him in an attempt to end it, he just kept going. Not even the introduction of #3 slowed him down!
#3 is a dear friend and I'm convinced that he was making an attempt to save me as he came and put an arm around my shoulder and interrupted with his own line of conversation. But he was clearly in a hurry to get somewhere and couldn't outlast #2...who seemed unfazed by the interruption and at the departure of #3, added a few more compliments to the long list.
...more than just a glimpse into the social workings of my congregation, a weird trio of men named Dave. Hm?

4 - The topper to the day came when I finally sat C.S. down for a frank conversation about our situation. I had warned him that it would be awkward, but hoped it wouldn't be painful. He let me say my piece. I shared with him my feelings of adoration, and then asked him to respect my disappearing act. I think so highly of him that I need his cooperation of distance in order to allow myself to be open to other opportunities. He had nothing to say. I know that it was what I needed to do or say, but I have to admit I feel like a big jerk. Which is really weird, right? He rejected me. He is not interested in me. And yet, I feel bad about making it clear and final.
Now I can only hope that I find a crush replacement soon. I'd hate to find myself in a desperate situation where I am suddenly thinking about adopting #2 as the man of the year!

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Men! If you like it (your wife), you should have put a ring on it (your own left ring finger)!

I just did some of my very best work on the sales clerk at Costco who sold me this laptop. I was charming, yet subtle. Flattering and funny. Cheerful and witty. But none of it matters, because it wasn't until well into our conversation that he mentioned his $1500 illegal downloading fine and how angry it had made his WIFE!
I don't want to flirt with married men. Not even a little. It makes me queezy. So dudes, help a single girl out and put on the ring!! I know there a dozen reasons why you don't wear them, but there's one really good reason you let the rest of the women know that you're already in love with the perfect woman!

Friday, March 4, 2011

Post Paralysis

In the past there have been times when I've felt that a blog post a day is a terrible goal. Some days just felt anorexic of material. Tonight is the opposite...I'm suffering from blogger's bulimia. My brain is full and turning over and over. And I've started a dozen posts, then deleted them. Then started again.
Part of my challenge is the open blog forum. When I knew that my audience only consisted of 3 hand-picked individuals, the art of editing was a piece of cake. But now, it's a big old mystery. And I do not possess cojones large enough to make the statement that "this is my journal and I can write every correct or incorrect thought that travels through my mind". I feel strongly that the reason Diaries are kept under mattresses and in air vents, is because we know that those writing exercises are for therapeutic reasons only. Very little good ever came from my teenage rantings! In fact, when I've stumbled upon them, I've destroyed them (except for a few "love lists" that put smiles on my face...god bless Blake Carlson, Ryan Wozniak, Brent Robinson, Brad Bell and Rusty Watterson, wherever you are!)
I guess I can offer a summary of my current fog...
Relationships are my greatest possession. It's a skill with a euphoric reward. So when I find myself upside down in relationships, it can quickly throw me off my game. The logical side of my mind keeps telling me that no one can have a magical relationship with everyone in their life and balance is found as we weed out taxing relationships. The emotional side of my mind hates that advice and wants more than anything to figure out how to fix the relationships that seem to be lacking the most.
I'm finding it to be a nearly impossible one-sided task. And so my head spins. I just want to have permission to love unfiltered. And, selfishly, be loved in return.

Thursday, March 3, 2011


Congrats to Ryan and Laura and their new baby!
7 lbs 9 oz, 19 inches
Laura is a rockstar baby deliverer and did it all w/o breaking a sweat!
#5 for their clan and #9 overall nieces + nephews!

And Happy Birthday Austin! Can't wait to see you next week!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Priceline - for gadgets?

I need a new laptop - in a bad, bad way. But I'm not a techy and I'm boyfriendless (aren't they supposed to cover these items?), and I don't really know what I need vs. what I don't need. After some shopping and price comparison today, I'm stumped. I feel pretty confident that $2200 is too much, even with lifetime warranty and service (sorry PCLaptops), but what is a reasonable price? And how much laptop do I need? Should I be considering a Mac? Ugh!
So, I'm wondering if William Shatner might be available to do some price negotiation to help me get a new computer? Maybe?

Tuesday, March 1, 2011


I should be ashamed...not only did it take me until age 30 to finally leave my undergrad pursuit, I left that pursuit 5 credit hours short of completion. It never bothered me, it never bothered potential employers, and I had even hoped last year that it would be the loophole that would get me into a coveted study abroad program. But here I am, nearly 6 years later, with those same unfinished credit hours growing stale.
So I'm using my current status to knock these two courses out. I initially hoped to be done before the end of the month so that I could make the deadline for the next degree postings, but it's taking longer than anticipated...and that ski week in Colorado and my moving date are really going to get in the way. But I'll be getting it done soon and I know I'll be glad when I do.