Monday, January 31, 2011


In football, ball-carriers run towards defenders who are attempting to tackle them. By positioning the ball securely in one arm, the ball-carrier can fully extend his other arm, locking his elbow, and outstretching his palm. Then, the ball-carrier pushes directly outwards with the palm of his hand onto the chest or shoulder of the would-be tackler. The fend is a pushing action, rather than a striking action.

A stiff-arm fend may cause the tackler to fall to the ground, taking him out of the play. Even if the tackler keeps his feet, it becomes impossible for him to complete a tackle, as he cannot come close enough to wrap his arms around the ball-carrier.

A well-executed stiff-arm fend can be a very powerful offensive weapon. It can often completely chane the direction of play.

The term don't argue was coined in Australia to describe the stiff-arm fend. The term describes what a commentator imagined the ball-carrier might be saying as he shoved his opponent in the face or chest, and is used as a noun.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Quiet Please!

I'm taking a 7 day oath of silence...sort of. I am not talking about dating or marriage or relationships for the next 7 days. I'm all talked out. This last month has been exhausting and I've allowed myself to become consumed with the theory and strategy and details of it all. I need a break. I meant to begin today, but I'm so addicted, that I'm starting again tomorrow. It shouldn't be so hard...there are LOTS of other things in my life to talk about!

Saturday, January 29, 2011


I spent some of the game last night putting the flirt on this guy! he was super hot with the helmet and face mask on!

Friday, January 28, 2011


My VP wants me gone. It's painfully obvious. Made more painful by the patronizing approach he has begun to approach me with. I don't want to be where I am not wanted...I never have. But where am I going to go?! What am I going to do?!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Cheer up Goofball!

I'm in a funk...obviously...and I'm not feeling much better today...but I thought I'd reminisce about happier times!

Remember that time in December when I got to record in a professional recording studio? Remember how perfect that moment was? Remember how life felt just right for that small little window? Well, if I ever forget, I can go to Track 7 here to be reminded! It's far from perfect, but not too shabby for only 1 take per part and no remastering!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Tears for Two...

I got choked up tonight...twice! Watching American Idol of all the stupid things. This has been a really tough week for me, and I'm much more vulnerable than usual...OBVIOUSLY!

The first time I felt them welling up was during a montage of Idol contestants celebrating the news that they were moving on.
I envied them. I want to live out a dream, tap into a passion, lose control in a wave of happiness! And so, my heart cheered with them, and apparently my eyes wanted to participate as well.

The second time, I fell for the heart warming story at the end of the episode. A man was living as a caretaker to his fiance who had been in a terrible accident months before their wedding. She appeared to have severe physical, and possibly mental, handicaps...yet he was just as devoted to her in sickness and in health.
I've mentioned before that the most difficult thing about being single, for me, is not having someone to love. Now, I don't know that I'm enough of a woman to take on the level of challenges that this man had accepted, but I do crave the opportunity to love, support, partner with a man who will let me love him. I think having someone to love provides me more benefit than being loved (although, these are statements from a prude who, if we're being honest...and "we" usually are, has never been properly loved).

So, it's clear to me...a good night's sleep is in order. Because crying over Idol?! well that's unacceptable!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Hello? Anyone?!

Where am I? What am I doing? How did I get here? I am so buried and so lost in my professional life! This time it took 2 1/2 years for me to reach the breaking point, so maybe my endurance is getting better?

I listed "Find a career counselor" as a 2011 goal...but I don't know how to accomplish even that.

Perhaps I'm finally ready to act on the results from last year's Aptitude Test? Maybe I'm finally brave and/or desperate enough to take on the risk and make a serious change? Maybe I'm terminally unhappy and there's no right answer? Maybe my "talents" are imagined or good for nothing? I've looked at receptionist and cashier jobs today...not a good sign for a Director level individual.

This morning Amazon confirmed the shipment of the book I recently ordered. Heaven give me patience to dig my hands into that thing!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad

I was awful today. Really, really awful. Some of my ugliest faces were on full display. And I didn't use my best vocabulary (although I did have a shining grammatical moment). Anyhow, a nap is definitely in order. A long, long 8 hour kind of nap.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Good Thing

A good friend recently found herself in a confirmed committed relationship. She shared the news with another friend and was received with the response, "Nothing good ever happens to me!"

My first thought was, "Ew!"
What an awful response, what kind of girlfriend responds to your good news by turning it into a conversation about her own misfortune. However, as lame as her comment was, it got me thinking about the concept of waiting for something good to happen. Although the comment was poorly timed and crazy selfish, the truth is that all single girls are hopeful that a good man will happen to her!
He'll be funny and smart and interesting and will rescue us from our problems!

But what are the chances that these good men are also waiting for a good woman will happen to him?
She'll be funny and smart and interesting and give him reason to be a hero!

The thought has staying power and pops up often as I evaluate what I have to offer to a relationship. I've been making personal strides emotionally, spiritually, and socially.

The ironic thing is that the last two months the improvements have been happening at a much quicker pace. Wanna know why? Because of men who have expressed directly, and indirectly, that the think that I'm funny and smart and interesting...even (god forbid!), beautiful. So I feel funny and smart and interesting and (god forbid!) beautiful.

I've never recognized how dependent I am on others for self evaluation. And it makes me wonder why I've spent any time at all with those who make me feel lame and dumb and boring and ugly.

AND it makes me more aware of how I may, or may not, make others feel.

I want to be the good thing that happens to someone. I want to be the catalyst for changing a life for the better. I want to offer all of the things necessary to make a man feel like a hero!

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Home At Last

(oh shoot! Ms. Silverstone, you feel the same way, don't you?)

I've mentioned before that my life feels like an ill-fitted shirt.

Have you ever finished dressing and felt like your shirt just didn't fit right? Sure, it might have done the job! Provided protection, warmth, and modesty. Maybe even a sense of style! But it just felt wrong? Maybe it was the length of the sleeve, or the breadth of the shoulders, or the cut of the collar? Of course, it is possible that no observer would see anything of concern. Some might even think the shirt looks sharp and offer compliments or a remark or two of envy. But you spend the day tugging and stretching at it. However, no adjustment brings long-term comfort and all that you can think about all day is when you can get home and CHANGE IT!

I feel that way about my life. It's a good life for sure. I've had opportunity and privilege. I'm luckier than most people when it comes to family and friends. Although I have had patches of struggle when I didn't know how I'd make it through, I have always come out the other side better than I started. I've had education and employment and shelter and food and safety. I know that there are observers who envy my life and think that it must be ideal! And it probably is!...for someone else.

I've been tugging and stretching for years now but no adjustment has brought long-term comfort and all I can think about is when I might get to CHANGE IT!

I surely do not feel like a victim. I am clearly aware that it's been the sum of my own choices that has brought me to this place. But I'm just now beginning to understand the power of the choices I will make moving forward.

My aunt recently sent me a card that began: "Each year we grow closer to who we really are and all we are meant to be". I feel ready to be proactive in that change. I am ready for a tailored fit life. Something that feels like a second skin. Something that breeds confidence and comfort.

When I think back on the moments of my life that I crave, the memories are often on a stage or in a theater. And so, at the tender of age of far-too-old, I have signed up for an acting class and a vocal class at the Hale Center in SLC.

Today was our first day of class. I had a few nerves but no expectations. I'm happy to report that it was a lot of fun and I'm very optimistic about the next 7 weeks!

A few thoughts:

* Theater attracts all types. It was fascinating to look around the circle and wonder at the different personalities that came together in this setting.

* I really like the two instructors. Like, "we should do lunch!" like them.

* I am grateful to have been blessed with loads of confidence (although still lacking the self-esteem to back it, I am getting closer every day).

* I am grateful to be comfortable in uncomfortable situations...I expect that will be coming in handy many times for many different reasons.

* I am grateful that my friend R.A. signed up too! We are going to have a riot!

Friday, January 21, 2011

MJ Wii

I must have this!!!!!!!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Little "O"

I'm so lucky to get to love great little people! I got to hang with this one tonight...squeeze!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Seattle - Day 2

  • Client meeting went better than expected
  • Went to the space needle and took in the view - my 2 trips to Seattle have been on very clear days!
  • My brother John was selected for the 2011 Pro Bowl and the news broke while I was at the airport!
  • I met a cool dude on the plane, Phil Logsden, I love new friends!

Purple Cafe and Wine Bar

Super swanky dinner locale tonight...almost bearable!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011


A quick work trip to Seattle tonight. I hope I can stop procrastinating and get this client presentation done before I get there!!!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Bad News!

Self-portrait above. With every good intention in my mind as I drove home this evening, I'm afraid that most of the night resembled the photo above. I've run out of steam. In fact, I've been running on fumes for so long that I can't believe I've actually made it this far.

When asked last year about my professional life, I described a "daily battle" to get things done. I never won that battle, and I don't think that I've necessarily lost it...I think I'm exhausted. My personal desire to do good work in my responsibilities, regardless of how much passion I do or do not have for the task, is making it impossible to give up completely, but I haven't figured out how to fan this burned out fire back to life.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Mormon Mommy Blogs

This article
fascinated me. See, my sisters-in-law all qualify...with two blogs each. It's an interesting phenomena for sure. I confess that I'm addicted so that I can peek into the lives of family too far away or too busy to visit, but maybe I'm window shopping for a variation of the life I long to have?

Saturday, January 15, 2011


I waited all day for a call, a text, an email...knowing full well it wasn't coming. And yet...everytime my phone delivered a notification, I'd hold my breath to check and see.

Nothing...but that's normal...that's what everyone says. Be patient, let him pursue. He's worth it for sure, but I may not have it in me!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Thursday, January 13, 2011


My mom once said that endurance is easiest when you know how long you'll have to endure. So, if a trialing time in life has no known end date, it can feel like an impossible eternity...even if it only lasts a week. And the reverse is true. If you know that a challenge will only require 6 months of endurance, it feels manageable. The light at the end of the tunnel is a curious thing. I would like to understand the phenomenon better so that I can always have the hope for relief even when the end is unclear.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Perma Grin

I can't get this smile off of my face. Honestly, every time I catch it showing up and I make an effort to tone it down, it just dimple is working overtime tonight.

The battle to fall asleep with such a big grin is totally worth the fight!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Why the Wait?

Today I did something that I've been dying to do for more than 2 years. I don't know why I waited so long. I feel like a 100 lb weight was just lifted from my shoulders! I feel like a brand new person!
I know that part of my hesitation was caused by not knowing what would come next. I still don't have that answer, but I feel so amazing that I don't really care what the answer is!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Teasing vs. Torture

Teasing - to arouse desire in someone with no intention of satisfying it
Torture - to tease a girl for longer than she can endure

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Flirting is such a fun pastime. Of course, the current subject has been on the receiving end for longer than makes maybe I'm not a very good flirt? I can say this...he's an amazing tease. If there is no follow-up to some of his more recent suggestions, I'm cutting him off and taking my skills where they are better appreciated!

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Oh Sweet Reward

2 Glorious Hours!

Sayonara 2010 and your pesky $50M sales goal. Good riddance to you and the stress that it brought to my life. Hello Sherry and your magic hands at the local Massage Envy. Hello for 2 amazing hours where I completely submitted to relaxation.
I will be seeing you more often in 2011 as this year brings with it an $85M sales goal. Booooooo!

Friday, January 7, 2011

Be True to Myself!

I failed tonight...big fat failed.

As a general rule, I don't watch R-rated movies. It's never really been an issue, just a precaution against filling my mind with unnecessary language, violence, sex, or subject matter. I don't have a strong opinion regarding those who make different choices, I've just found that choice to work well for me.
That said, I've made a few exceptions in my day (Slumdog Millionaire being my favorite exception). But the exception I made tonight is burning a hole in my brain! I can't believe I went. I can't believe I didn't check the rating justification on-line. I can't believe I trusted the source of the recommendation. I can't believe that I didn't walk out. I had every reason to walk out. Did I happen to mention that my BRAIN IS BURNING?!
The sexual content in Black Swan was just to much for my virgin mind. There were six separate scenes I endured by closing my eyes and thinking about other things. Six! Six? How many did I need to motivate me to get out?
Wow, I can really disappoint myself sometimes.
However, I can take this lesson with me: That R-rated standard I choose to follow...ya, that really works for me. I'm going to continue to stick with that one.

Thursday, January 6, 2011


When a client mailed me the nose of a skateboard with a Holiday message stating that a donation in my name had been made to I was skeptical and had Seinfeld flashbacks. One week later, I come across this article. Come to find out, it's totally legit!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

So Sleepy!

I think that there is something in the air. People are T-I-R-E-D today. I can even speak for myself...after a 30 minute dance with the snooze button, I began my day, then got back into bed 2 times. It was ridiculous. And I was late for work. And so were a lot of my co-workers. And there was so much yawning in the office. Seriously, can it be an environmental issue?

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

There are times when I know to keep my mouth shut...but I don't. I give it a very honest effort. I have literally bitten my tongue in conversation. But when asked directly, I explode with the information I've been asked. Occasionally I am able to minimize the bleeding, but there is always bleeding.
I can keep someone else's secret...I do that all the time...I'm doing it right now in fact...but my own thoughts and feeling, I'm just not afraid to let it out no matter the strategic consequences.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to regret this in the morning.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Masculine Energy

One of my greatest frustrations with my current work is that I'm in a man's world doing a man's job. I might get murdered by feminists for that statement, but I can't deny my perspective. This is such a battle day in and day out...and I am not a soldier. I was not designed for war.

Somehow, I've found a way to see some success...enough, I guess, that the men have decided that they want me playing the game with them. But I've been at it so long that I'm beginning to have a difficult time turning it off after I leave the office. I see myself handling most situations with a strong masculine energy. If it's so obvious to me, well then, it must be obvious to others. It's got to stop!

Sunday, January 2, 2011


My latest find is The LXD

Ok! Ok! I don't love the comic book/superhero thing. I get the concept, but it doesn't translate real well. But OH MAN! do I love the dancing! And since I'm a "Gleek", my bias opinion is that the best episode features "The Other Asian"

Check it out! Each episode is only 5-15 minutes long and one even features Twitch!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

I'm back

I'm back to give the blog new life!