I Got Shy

My childhood memories are all spotlight moments. And all of those spotlight moments are positive. I would perform, or speak, or storytell, or volunteer...anything to delight an audience. I loved me some attention...and as a grown-up, I continue to love me some attention. But I only like the positive kind of attention. The kind of attention that comes when I've delighted an audience. So, when this blog received unexpected attention because I am sick, and my daily visitors shot up from it's previous 15/day, I got shy.

I got shy because being sick doesn't feel like positive attention. Being sick isn't how I want to be known. Being sick is boring and depressing. Being sick is what I'm consumed with...and I didn't know how to blog something honest and still consider it entertaining...so, I just kind of shut-up.

But a stranger reached out today because she read something in one of my "being sick" posts that might be helpful to her family. It's motivated me to post again. Maybe I can still write useful things as I figure out who I am now? And maybe the sick me can still entertain? And maybe the pressure to find something blog-worthy in my day can help my days from bleeding into one another? And maybe I knew this all along, but have been avoiding it?