Thursday, February 3, 2011
I always spend my birthday evaluating where I am in comparison to where I want to be. It seems that with each year I find myself further and further from my target. So at my last "evaluation", I made the conscious decision to give up hope for my target.
See, when you have hope, the disappointments of life are painful. Sometimes they're so painful that it's enough to distract you from all of the good things that are happening simultaneously. Theoretically, giving up hope removes the pain of disappointment and allows me to shift focus to the good happening that can sometimes be forgotten...A few weeks later, my bishop had a short chat with me and said he felt impressed to encourage me to continue having hope...timely, eh?
So, in response, I recommitted to hope...I even bought the Hope Bracelet as a reminder. I set goals and got all "Rose Colored Glasses" on my life! And I had beginners luck! And I thought the world was my oyster! And I was such a fool, because those tiny wins weren't sustainable. And here I am a few weeks later and I feel like I have nothing sure...only uncertainty.
So I ran to my sanctuary. And I had a bit of a cry. And I grasped on to the hope again...
Hope - that being a good girl has benefits.
Hope - that God doesn't forget his obedient daughters.
Hope - that all of my poor decisions pale next to the good decisions I've made.
Hope - that there is a purpose to my life.
Hope - that I'll be shown the next steps.
Hope - that I'll be given the courage to take the next steps.
Hope - that there is love in my future.
Hope - that when I sit down in 11 months to evaluate, I'll actually be closer to my target.