Wednesday, January 4, 2012

I Am Loved

I was once told that I was lucky to live in a time and place to have bishops and advisors and others who love me and care about me. There are many things about my life that I would liked to have happened differently...but I can never say that I was short-changed when it comes to being loved.

Yesterday I spent the afternoon with The Russian and we had some vulnerable conversation. He asked me tough questions and I choked through some of my responses. He wasn't easy on me, but he was kind and understanding and our discussion has stayed with me through today...I suspect there are some things about our chat that will stick with me forever. The details of the conversation pale in comparison to the way I felt after we parted. I felt loved.

This evening I met with my bishop. He asked me some tough questions (ha! that's subjective..."How are you feeling?" is a tough question for me these days). I asked him some tough questions. I'm not sure that either of us answered any questions with any real satisfaction, but the lack of definitive answers doesn't matter. What matters is that as I drove home, I felt loved.

My whole life I have had this assumption that I was to accomplish "something great" in my life. I have never understood what "something great" meant. I have always presumed that it would be 'globally impact the world' kind of grand scale. I know I will spend the rest of my life trying to achieve "something great"...but having experienced the enormous and lasting impact of feeling loved, even briefly, I'm starting to see that maybe my "something great" can happen by making sure that the people I love feel it from me? Maybe that is something I can learn to do with consistency no matter where my life's path takes me?