I think I have a case of commitmentphobia. Which seems strange to apply to a girl who has dedicated her whole life to religious and spiritual commitments that many believe are impossible to "commit" to.
There are two excerpts from from Wikipedia's page "Fear of Commitment" that caught my attention:
1.) Fear of commitment in much popular literature refers to avoidance of long-term partnership and/or marriage but the problem is often much more pervasive, affecting school, work, and home life as well.
2.) The key to understanding commitmentphobia is recognizing that such behavior is rooted in fear—fear of lost options or fear of making poor decisions. The commitmentphobic mind sees decisions as permanent, opening the possibility of being caged or trapped forever with no means of escape.
Um...not a shocker. I can't commit to buying a home, a career path, a hairstyle. I've been able to avoid consumer debt because I rarely commit to a clothing/shoe purchase. I reply to many social invitations with a "I'll try my best to make it!" because I just can't be locked in.
So I circle back to my first observation...How have I managed to commit so fully to a lifestyle considered restrictive and controlling by many and never feel caged in by those decisions?