And the first thing I read was a personal message from a well-intentioned, former classmate asking:
" Are you better now, or is it something that will never really get better? "
And then I started to think, what if this never really gets better. Sure, I've imagined all sorts of horrible possible futures, and for reasons I don't understand, I'm okay with my own morbid imagination...but are others imagining a dark and dreary future for me as well?!?!
So I closed down Facebook and moved to personal email. And the first message I read was from a well-intentioned friend from church informing me that I have the exact same thing that a mutual acquaintance of ours has. Which was probably meant to provide some relief? I mean, really, how could this girl possibly know that the mutual acquaintance's most defining physical characteristic of toting oxygen, is glaringly represented in my worst case scenario in my mind?
So I closed the laptop and walked away. I thought that maybe some errands and gift shopping would help to clear my mind. I grabbed my keys, hopped in my car with a route mapped in my head....and trudged through my list as I began feeling more and more sorry for myself.
I was left with no other options, so I bought a Diet Coke with extra ice to numb the tension building in my chest. As I neared home, I picked up the mail and found a big box with my name on it! Ignoring the new stack of bills from the doctors I tore into the box to find a little mental health inside...