The Best Kind of Therapy

This morning I decided that after all of my worries yesterday, I was going to take the day off from being "sick". I was going to think about lots of unimportant things. And where is the best place to see a lot of things that are interesting but unimportant? Correct, Facebook!

And the first thing I read was a personal message from a well-intentioned, former classmate asking:

" Are you better now, or is it something that will never really get better? "

And then I started to think, what if this never really gets better. Sure, I've imagined all sorts of horrible possible futures, and for reasons I don't understand, I'm okay with my own morbid imagination...but are others imagining a dark and dreary future for me as well?!?!

So I closed down Facebook and moved to personal email. And the first message I read was from a well-intentioned friend from church informing me that I have the exact same thing that a mutual acquaintance of ours has. Which was probably meant to provide some relief? I mean, really, how could this girl possibly know that the mutual acquaintance's most defining physical characteristic of toting oxygen, is glaringly represented in my worst case scenario in my mind?

So I closed the laptop and walked away. I thought that maybe some errands and gift shopping would help to clear my mind. I grabbed my keys, hopped in my car with a route mapped in my head....and trudged through my list as I began feeling more and more sorry for myself.

I was left with no other options, so I bought a Diet Coke with extra ice to numb the tension building in my chest. As I neared home, I picked up the mail and found a big box with my name on it! Ignoring the new stack of bills from the doctors I tore into the box to find a little mental health inside...

Dark chocolate almond bark from a friend who couldn't have better timing. I guess what I really needed today wasn't to pull it all together and be stoic...it was to give in to my escalating emotions and do the only thing that feels good these days...eat chocolate.