Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Damsel in Distress

I've been pretty dang independent for as far back as I can remember. And that has come in very handy in all my single living. So helpful, that I pride myself on the fact that if I don't know how, I'll certainly be able to figure it out. I've even changed all of my own flat tires (some in the presence of men, in fact!). it has always bothered me a bit when I'm coached to "need" a man more in my life. I've been told by friends, family, and all of my relationship books that men "need" to be "needed". There are even dozens of web pages dedicated to the topic. But from where I stand, I would think that it would be more flattering to a man to know that he wasn't needed, but wanted. It's certainly desire #1 for me!

So at least I'm aware of the discrepancy. And although I fail, more than I succeed in the effort of making the men in my life feel needed, I'm improving on recognizing those moments.

So...what's the point? Just a week or so before the A-Fib diagnosis, I met this really great guy. He is handsome and talented and charismatic and he seemed to recognize a few things in me that he liked. Right off the bat he was really great about the txting and IM-ing and I was having fun with the attention.

The day of the diagnosis, I went straight to the pool to talk it out with Sassy. As we were chatting, I got a txt from the new guy: "how r u"...I groaned in response. I was crap! And the last thing I wanted to tell Mr. Popular was that I just found out that my body was even more disappointing than I already knew! But Sassy had a decent suggestion...I hadn't built anything solid with this guy yet, maybe he would be a perfect candidate for me to play needy.

So I told him that I had a pretty rough day and got some bad news from the doctor. He told me that he wanted to do something for me, anything at all. So I told him that I needed distractions. I knew that there was going to be a lot of waiting around in my near future, and distractions were going to be the best gift I could receive from anyone.

And he kept popping back up every few days with the same offer, "what can i do?" And I kept telling him to stop by, or invite me along for an adventure. Finally I decided that perhaps my request was too I got specific: "I'd love a Slurpee". It seemed quick and cheap and as non-threatening as I could come up with. And...nothing.

It's been nearly two months, and I still hear from him every day, but I've long since given up on submitting requests. In fact, sometimes he's just flat out ignored.

I totally get that there are a million holes in this scenario (we don't have anything committed going on, my request is weak on the "needy" scale, etc.) but I don't know if I'll ever figure out how to be truly "needy" in a sincere and effective way.

The highlight? The Russian was in town last week and I was emotionally dumping on him about every disappointment in my life. I was venting that there were no interesting romantic prospects in my life and shared that I wasn't even able to get a man to bring me a Slurpee! But in today's mail, there was a letter from The Russian...and inside were 3 one dollar bills designated for a Slurpee! He couldn't take me, but it made me feel like a million bucks to know that he would.

I might not know how to intentionally make a man feel "needed", but I am reminded that I have some pretty key people in my life that I will always "need".

1 comment:

Missy said...

Did this all happen after dinner? How sweet is that!?